Right now I'm sitting on a bench in the shade, safely nestled amongst the various well-pruned bushes, hidden from the sun's gentle rays by the shadow of an evergreen. The leaves fall around me, but this sound, once so terrifying and empty like the slamming of a door, now whispers to me of gentler times to come.
I am free. Finally! I am FREE! Trader Joe's is nothing but a sweet scented memory, and the bitter taste of Vermont has finally been spat out. These days, I feel like I can breathe again. Like that terrifying future that I feared and dreaded and hopelessly longed for like a wedding day has finally come and ripped the weight off my chest. Breathe in, breathe out. The air here smells like sunshine and cinnamon. It feels like the beginning of fall, not the last echo of it. I drove for two days to get here, to this land of what feels like eternal sunshine. I'm happy. For once, I'm truly, perfectly happy. The van broke down two days ago, but I got it back today and took a cruise into the mountains. I didn't want to stay long, because I'm not wearing the right hiking clothing, and I know I'll have to come back into town and pick Dan up eventually. I'm just trying to relax a bit until I get back on the road. That's what I've been scared of, these past two days. Being at home all day, playing video games, mindlessly eating, staring out the window. I was scared it would be too normal, too natural. That I would long for my old, simple life and it would spoil my inner tranquility forever. But it didn't. In fact, I almost cried driving, feeling just how good it felt to be free, with nothing to tie me down except the speed limit and all the endless possibilities of the open road stretching out before me. And although it's nice having access to an on-demand shower and kitchen, I don't really miss those things. Not as much as I missed my bed in the van and my books and my journal and playing music while cruising down the highway. I know van life is going to be different as soon as I have to get a job and reintegrate with society. After all, my vacation can't last forever. But despite all it's challenges, I think I'm really going to enjoy myself. I think I'm really going to have a good time. Already I feel like I've grown and learned so much in these past nine, almost ten days. And I can't wait to see what the future holds. Thank you, Jesus. See y'all on the road!
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Author"To see the world. Things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, to draw closer, to find each other and feel. That is the purpose of life." Archives
November 2023
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